A blessed photographer and the loving ruthlessness of my master.

I had four personal photographic sessions with Osho between August 1988 and January 1990 when he left the body. In between them I would sit and take pictures of him in discourse more or less every third night.

I was sitting there, just a couple of meters from his podium, with my tripod and my camera and click, click, click around 20 to 50 shots every night. As that was happening, I was navigating some very blurred lines between being the pure presence of being just myself; being a disciple and the love, gratitude and devotion I was feeling and embodying: and being a professional holding my attention to the task and the beauty and chasing the special shot...

It was beautiful and challenging and I felt blessed. And at the same time a deep process of disidentification was taking place.I felt less and less involved and attached to my image as a photographer, less and less interested in the result, less and less connected with the expertise and the techniques.Few moths after Osho left the body, I suddenly realized that I was finished with photography. I sold all my cameras and tripods and bags I had been carrying around for more than ten years and let go of that piece of my past and my identity as a photographer.In the following years more disidentifications happened, all induced and guided internally by Osho: I stopped practicing Martial Arts after more than 30 years and, more fundamental, I let go of my self-image of being  a warrior. I did let go of the image of being a lover, of being a son, of being an Italian, even of being a disciple.

One night as I was sitting in the back in Buddha Hall during discourse and Osho was guiding us in a meditation: “Go to your Hara center like and arrow...”, I suddenly realized that that center DID NOT EXIST as a thing! And everything dissolved in my belly and all around me. My body was the WHOLE, infinite, luminous, cozy, sweet. I had been chasing that center for almost forty years and that chasing was the foundation of separation. I was the whole and I was part of the whole, For the first time I felt true and complete belonging and an ongoing process of dissolution and integration started happening in an open joyous unpredictable way...